


Drunk On This Pain

by Pearlsky



Category: Howl - Allen Ginsberg, Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Genre: Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), Don't Examine This Too Closely, Don't Read This, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Jealousy, M/M, Other, Pining, Poetry, Song Fiction, only inspired by, this is pretty bad I'm not gonna lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:09:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26607268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlsky/pseuds/Pearlsky
Relationships: Lucien Carr/Allen Ginsberg





	Drunk On This Pain

I beg you to stay. I shot myself in the foot and begged you to stay. I lay down beneath your feat in a destroyed array  
  
Of bloody colors and distorted words  
  
of my mouth coming out like lies and pleas  
  
to be there for me  
  
not to shoot me when I’m down  
  
because I shot me first’  
  
I shot me first  
  
Ooh baby I shot me first  
  
The jealousy felt like bitter rum pouring down and overflowing out of my mouth down my spine filling me with hate and anger and burning my skin at the wake  
  
Though darling I never felt more alive  
  
I needed so many needles to stitch my wounds starting with the slit on my throat I’ve cut  
  
And patching myself as much as I could, though blood still poured between the stitches  
  
I wish you took my hand and kissed me silly  
  
I wish you chose me against the rest of the world  
  
I wish you would let it all burn and sucked the life out of me to heal yourself  
  
I wish you took all you wanted and your healing from me  
  
I wish you took your furry and the spark in your eyes and the hate inside your bones and set it all my way  
  
I wish you breathed and fought through me  
  
I wish you killed me with your knives and words like daggers and dug through my body  
  
It was always yours to do as you please  
  
I wish you shattered me baby  
  
But never left me  
  
I wish you shattered me baby  
  
But never ever left me  
  
I wish you broke me to pieces and filled me with hate  
  
Because I never was before you  
  
It had been a long time since I felt alive  
  
Till you came  
  
You awoke me from my slumber and put me through the best kind of pain  
  
You made me young again  
  
You brought me to life again  
  
I wish you made me cry and let me pour my tears down my stitches to heal them  
  
I wish you gave me more of this life force you have  
  
Because baby you think you’d destroy me  
  
But it’s me who was using you all along  
  
You anger me and break me and tear me apart  
  
But you never left me to the dullness  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Darling I told you never to leave me  
  
You might have added more pain, but you’ve healed me all the same  
  
I wish you were as courageous as you pretend  
  
I wish you loved me despite your better judgement  
  
But darling did you show me colors, you showed me words  
  
Your eyes overwhelmed me with pleasure and your lips with tears  
  
I’ve never cried more and it never felt better  
  
You took me in this whirlwind of your life and never apologized  
  
Yet you didn’t have the audacity to keep me in it  
  
I told you I’d die baby I showed you my true colors  
  
Did you not believe me?  
  
You always wanted to escape yourself  
  
Didn’t you not see its beauty?  
  
Your lies echo through the world and the papers  
  
And they all believed them blindly  
  
You always knew they would follow you to their grave  
  
That they would hang onto your every word  
  
That you could break them and wake them with one word from your lips  
  
They eagerly believed you, and they always will  
  
Was it too boring to be as magnificent as yourself?  
  
Because you disappeared and I could never find you  
  
They told me that is him, but it wasn’t you  
  
Your eyes looked lifeless and hardened  
  
What did life do to you?  
  
Didn’t you know I longed for you?  
  
Didn’t you know I was dying to have you baby?  
  
It never really made sense after you left  
  
No star was as bright, and no voice was as beautiful  
  
At night I imagine you here  
  
Filling me with passion with your lips on my skin and your voice in my ears  
  
You should’ve tried harder  
  
Though all your might,  
  
You were a coward  
  
You never gave in to what you truly wanted  
  
I am still here  
  
So don’t you waste this lifetime away from me  
  
(Lest we die un-bloomed)


End file.
